Hate
by MissMCQueen
Summary: Even though he dosen't look it someone as pure and innocent as Ryou Bakura is capable of feeling hatred. (Yugi slaughter)


Author: Missq 

Rating: PG 13 

Category: Angst 

Summary: Even though he dosen't look it someone as pure and innocent as Ryou Bakura is capable of feeling hatred. (Yugi slaughter) 

* * *

**HATE**

Detest, loathe, despite, abhor, even though all four words are spelt different they all mean one thing and one thing only, _Hate._

Hate isn't a nice word, if used in the right tone you can almost feel your heart being clenched and stabbed. It's the sort of word that people tell you never to use. The sound alone is harsh and bitter, it's cold and malevolent. Not the sort of emotion you want to feel. I spent my life telling myself never to hate, to always be kind. 

But then again, things such as peace and love are nothing compared to the powers of darkness. Even the purest of minds fall into it's trap. Innocence is easily crushed and destroyed. 

_I must not hate, I must not hate, I must not hate._

-But you do hate- 

I NEVER NEVER NEVER want to feel that way, but he's right. Every single syllable of what he says is true. I want to be pure and innocent, I don't want to be jaded by such emotions as darkness and loathing, I never want to be like that. An empty shell and spirit that's very fibre is nothing more than darkness, evil, and_ hate._

_I never want to be like you._

-But you are hikari- 

I want to scream, I want to scream out that he's wrong, I want to say it's all a lie. I want to say that what my friends see it the true image of myself on the inside. But the thing is they're incapable of seeing beneath the surface. For a person like Anzu who thinks she know so much about people she is completely ignorant of anything. Somehow I almost wish that she was able to see the truth, but then again they would only feel sorry for me. 

_I don't want to hate._

-Your in denial again- 

It's true I am in denial, I do hate, I HATE I HATE I HATE everything. I don't want to hate, I shouldn't hate but the emotion pulses through me more than you would expect. Every living moment I try to take Yugi's attitude towards things, I want to be lay back and calm, I want to see the best of things, but I can't. I act as if I do but I can't. 

-Why the hell do you always want to be something your not?- 

_I don't want to be you._

The one thing I HATE above all others is the fact that I am like him. Dammit, I'm like him heart and soul right down to the core. And above all things I NEVER want to be like that… But as hard as I try I can't prevent it. I tried to keep it inside, I tried to hide it and prey that the hate I feel would disappear over time. I tried to not hate. But it grew. And then it all came out in one moment. 

_Tell me that it never happened._

-Ku ku ku, how could I ever forget- 

I want to end it, I want to take my life and put and end to my entire existence forever. I want to go to sleep and never wake up again. But sadly I'm not that lucky, Yami would never allow such a thing. 

_I hate you._

-Heh, it took you long enough, well done hikari- 

Maybe if I had only allowed my hate to come out sooner. For god's sake HE TRUSTED ME. Maybe if I hadn't compressed it for so long it would have never have happened. I want to hurt myself I want to _hurt _and _bleed._ But Yami would only laugh. I hate the way he laughs, he would smirk and say that I was only being as dark and sadistic as him. Only the most disturbing of all people hurt themselves. 

-I wish I had a camera- 

Maybe I should explain. Maybe I should give the reason for Yami's smug mood. Even though it pains me to do so much as rethink it I have to let the awful truth out. I hope his friends never find out though, I couldn't live if they did. 

My hate was strong at the time, my mother and sister are dead, and my father barely notices that part of his family is still alive and breathing. He used to pay far more attention before their deaths, but now his way of grieving was silence and isolation. This used to make me sad, but after so long I can only hate it. I know It's wrong to hate your own father but I can't help it. 

Jou, Anzu, Honda, and Yugi have always been nice, they have always been nothing more than good friends. But I hate their perfect lives, they don't know what it's like to suffer in pain and darkness. I HATE THE WAY THEIR LIVES ARE SO FUCKIN HAPPY. And I HATE the way they think I'm part of their HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, perfect little group. I am NOT HAPPY. I have NEVER been happy. 

I don't know how long it's been but with my father always gone the only person I have to talk to is Yami. I have listened to his constant preaching and ravings, not to mention his foul language and dark behaviour. With so many dark and evil influences in my life it was impossible to avoid being affected by such things. This expanded my hate. 

The mill ring it's self it corruption. The evil piece of metal can twist a soul inside out till all that is left of you is hate and darkness. Out of all seven of the millennium items the ring is the most malevolent. It's no wonder that it chose to consume Yami's soul five thousand years ago.  
I've only just realised how much I have truly changed since I first received my item of darkness. (I hate my damn father for ever laying eyes on the thing in the first place.) 

Then have you ever had one of those days. One where everything goes wrong till you finally snap? I did. Well I did manage to keep myself calm till I got home, and I did manage to prevent myself from smashing anything within a ten metre radius. Just to add to that Yami WAS NOT improving my mood. 

Then there was Yugi. 

I could remember opening the door to see him there. I could remember his childish smile. I HATE THAT SMILE. My lip twitched but I still managed to put on a innocent mask. If he had seen the furry burning in my eyes he must have just overlooked it, thinking I was just being controlled by Bakura. THEY ALWAYS THINK IT'S JUST BAKURA they're completely ignorant to the truth. I have NEVER been as happy as I act. I WANT to but I can't. 

He asked to come in, I let him. All I wanted to be was alone but I was too polite to tell him to go away. He started talking, all I could do was sit there and think about how bloody irritating his voice was becoming. Yugi trusts me, HE HAS ALWAYS TRUSTED ME. Since his Yami sensed that Bakura was laying dormant inside the ring he was asleep. THE IDIOT. Then somehow the subject got onto my father, how he's always gone. I think Yugi had no idea how touche I was about it. He had no idea what it felt like to be neglected to such an extent. 

If I wasn't already enraged enough I was now. I just wanted him to shut up and leave me alone. Yugi had no idea about how much rage was pounding under my innocent mask. I could remember telling myself to calm down, I could remember telling myself to get a grip and control my rage. But trying to compress it only made it worse. So obviously I snapped. I had to let my hate out on someone and Yugi was there. 

So I yelled and abused the little guy. As I stood there screaming at him he only sat there with a look of understanding on his face. I HATED THAT. I didn't want to hurt Yugi in anyway, but I was enraged and I needed to take my foul mood out on someone. 

I don't know how it happened. Somehow the ring sensed my rage and annoyance. I see now how the ring works, it works through hate and furry. That's why Yami has always been far better at controlling it. But even though I haven't once used it, _the ring has corrupted me._

Then one thought crossed my mind, one that I shall ever regret. _I wish Yugi was gone._ Somehow my hate filtered through the object and activated it. That was the command and the ring obeyed. But the ring has it's own sick and twisted way of doing things. And since Yugi TRUSTED me he had no idea of what was going to happen. 

_Yami Yugi should have prevented it._

-Ah, but he didn't have time did he?- 

I don't want to think about what happened to Yugi. I might have been able to stomach it if Yugi had simply disappeared, but it didn't happen like that. There was blood, lots of it. Blood it's self ran down the pure white walls. I could remember starring at them thinking that the wall was similar to me. But then I realised. _I have never once been pure, so what was the point of pretending I was._

Thank god there were no bit's and pieces, such as limbs and bones, only blood. 

Right in the middle of the red substance sat one gleaming millennium puzzle. Only this time there was no Yugi wearing it. 

And then I could hear laughter, I could hear Yami laughing in the back of my head. He had what he wanted, but I had been the one to do it. Yami had tried so hard to knock him off so many times but Yami Yugi always managed to stop him. Yugi's other half had always been alert while Bakura was in control, but since he trusted me like a friend he couldn't have ever guessed his fate. 

Yugi had been my FRIEND GOD DAMN IT. He had been one of the best friends I have ever had. Even though he knew of Bakura and the dangers of associating himself with me he always stayed loyal and true. And I payed him back by ending his life. 

_I hate myself_

-But you should be happy you got what you wanted- 

_Just let me die._

-Really hikari we have a long way to go yet, I though you'd have a bit more tolerance- 

_Shut up. _

I've decided I must not hate, I must never hate again. I NEVER NEVER want what happened to Yugi to happen again. God what would happen when they found Yugi gone, what if he had told any of the others where he was going. They would know instantly that I was the one who did it. If not me they would blame it on my other half. But still what then? would they lock me away and throw away the key, pump so many drugs through me that even Yami was incapable of escaping. I have sealed my own fate. 

_We're doomed._

-Foolish boy, you have no idea the powers I now posses- 

_But what about the others._

-They've already forgotten- 

_This is wrong._

-Ku you're the one who did it not I- 

I collapsed in the pool of blood that covered the floor and reached out to the mill puzzle. It was blood stained and jaded. The metal was warm in my hands, almost glowing. I could begin to imagine how Yami Yugi was now suffering. I could almost visualise Bakura rolling around in his soul room as his laughter echoed through my ears. 

-Who's the winner now Yami Yugi- 

I wanted to cry. I wanted to collapse and never get up, to fall down and die. This is what my hate had caused me. But as much as I wanted to not a tear would fall from my eyes, the hate was still there. It still existed it was as if it had permanently engraved it's self into my soul. All I could feel was darkness and that one powerful emotion. I didn't fight, it just surrendered like Yami had before me. 

I raised my hand to my face and examined the blood that now tainted it. _Yugi's blood._ My eyes became clouded as I stared. I didn't feel regret or shame, only nothing. All of a sudden I didn't care, I didn't care how I felt or what happened to me. What was the bloody point of life anyway. 

"I hate you Yugi," I whispered. 

-That's the way, without that stupid fucking Yami Yugi this is going to be a walk in the park- 

_Please let me die._

-Ku ku ku, I haven't finished with you yet Ryou- 

_I hate you _

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Missq 


End file.
